I, unfortunately, never met Willem and I didn't even speak with him till about 11 days before his passing. But he was married to my niece Madhuri and I knew that they were very happy together.
I first learned of his existence sometime in 2016, when I rang Madhuri about some family matter that was bothering me. She said she knew this guy and casually mentioned - we are thinking of getting married. I had no idea of who it was but the idea of her getting married appealed to me. On pressing her, she revealed it was a Dutchman and that he was around somewhere, I wanted to talk with him, but I guess as they were just discussing the matter at that time, we didn't get around to talking. But Madhuri sent me a picture. Some time later she said they were going to get married and would I come to the wedding. I said certainly, but I meant if it was in Holland, as I didn't want to come to Lucknow at that time. So that chance of meeting him went by also.
The next few years I saw their life on facebook. When my brother, Madhuri's father, passed, Willem wrote in his memoriam booklet which I read. From that I gathered that Willem had a sense of humour. He was faced with a conundrum of how to address my brother, given that he was his father-in-law, but around the same age group as him, so he was reluctant to address him as Dad. Amrita, my cousin, solved it for him by coming up with a solution. The solution, however, was a bit of joke played by Amrita, as it was an endearing term, quite inappropriate for anyone but my brother's wife to use. My brother I guess was too embarrased to correct him, and no one else ever did, so he never found out.
Some months ago I noticed on Facebook that Madhuri and Willem were quite often in Goa, so I asked Maduri about it and she told me that they had bought a house there. I said I would visit them there sometime and was told that they also had a house in Amsterdam and flitted back and forth. So I said I would visit them in both places and was then told that they also had a motorhome so I might have to chase them around all over Europe.
Fast forward to around the 23rd of March. I noticed a post from Maduri on Facebook and some friend asked he where she was, and she replied that she was in hospital. So I immediately asked her if she was okay. She said she was, but Willem was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer. A couple of days later I talked with her via video link. She said that Willem was in a bad way he had been given a couple of hours to live by the doctors a couple of days earlier. She was surprised that he was still alive. She handed him the phone and it was then I spoke with Willem, for the first and only time.
I had spoken to Madhuri earlier about cancer immunotherapy, which I had read about and which lead to some miraculous cures and told her she could try and get him onto some clinical trial.
When I spoke with Willem, on video, he was weak, but completely lucid. When I told him about immunotherapy and trials, he immediately asked me – where can we get the trials? Willem clearly had not given up the fight. He fought on for another 12 days. I was very sad to learn of his passing.
So although my interaction with Willem was brief, I had come to know him through Mahuri. I know he was a good friend and husband. I know that he gave Madhuri a lot of happiness and I am grateful for the time they had together.
Raj Dass